not all is fucked

Like sunsets. They are okay.
Yes, we can live on sunsets - they make a delicious treat.

Aw god I'm hungry... haven't been paid in about 5 weeks. I did a job on the weekend, but that was paid for with a cheque- so I have to wait another couple of days before I get to eat properly. A big thank you to Ben and Alison for feeding me over the last couple of days. I wish I could say I'm getting used to being poor and not eating.

Wanted to get high to take my mind off things- but that seemed a bit desperate. Just a few spots would be nice though. Sometimes I wish drugs were free, and not addictive, but thats a bit like wishing for world peace.

I had a really interesting conversation with Alison the other day about my drug use from last year. Until I had actually said it out loud, I had no idea just how far off the planet I really was. I seemed to have a very cosy relationship with speed to help my studies; about an 8ball or two a week. I went a fairly psychotic and I strongly suspect that I had quite an addiction going there.
When I stopped studying, I also lay off the speed for a little while... I then went nuts, totally unhinged. I thought this was just a nervous breakdown (as did the doctors)... but now I wonder if it was a symptom of stopping a habit so abruptly.
I do think I had alot on my plate: Honours, Break-up, Linear Morphea, EF amongst others - but that is really no excuse really.

I should really apologise here for anybody that I offended, burnt or just harrased over that stage of my life. I also feel very sorry for all of those people that I used and abused, those that I broke their hearts with my erratic behaviour. I know I left a bit of a trail of destruction. Sorry.

And a big fuck you to those people that fucked me over while I was vunerable. Some of that stuff was totally cold. And for those who thought you could buy me- fuck you too... you'll never get your money back anyway.

Better?
Yes, Better.

Getting it back together, slowly.

::Listening to - Smog | I was a stranger::